The Dance of Deception: Unraveling the Science Behind Self-Deception

Introduction:

I’ve given thousands of coaching sessions over the years. One observation is that we tend to be economical with the whole truth. It seems that we humans would rather be 80% honest and deceive ourselves of the remaining 20%.  Why do we often fool ourselves, sometimes knowingly? Why do we not always keep our promises, nor do what we say? What drives this complex interplay between our minds and our actions? In this blog, we embark on a journey through the fascinating realms of behavioral science, neuroendocrinology, and the profound impact of being real. 

The Developmental Behavioral Science of Self-Deception:

From an early age, we begin to construct narratives that shield us from uncomfortable truths. The developmental roots of self-deception lie in our innate desire to protect our self-image and maintain a sense of coherence in our world. This cognitive process, known as ‘motivated reasoning’, enables us to justify our actions and beliefs, even when evidence suggests otherwise. It's as if our minds become master storytellers, weaving tales to preserve our fragile egos. Not surprisingly though as our prefrontal cortex hasn’t fully developed until the age of 25 and until then we are more interested in being right (self preservation) than in being real (honest). 

Unveiling the Neuroendocrinology of Self-Deception:

But what happens within our brains when we lie to ourselves? Neuroendocrinology offers fascinating insights into this intricate dance. When we engage in self-deception, our brains release a cocktail of chemicals, including dopamine, that temporarily suppresses feelings of guilt and discomfort. This phenomenon provides us with a short-lived sense of relief, reinforcing the cycle of self-deception. Our brains strive to maintain a delicate balance between self-preservation and confronting reality. Some people even get a kick (dopamine gush) out of lying and getting away with it! It is not technically possible to get addicted to dopamine. It occurs naturally in our bodies, and we can't directly take it as a food or drug. However, it is completely possible to get addicted to any activity that increases our dopamine levels.

The Power of Authenticity: A Boost for Our Immune System:

Now, let's shift our focus to the remarkable power of being true to ourselves. Embracing authenticity is not just a matter of personal growth; it also impacts our social, emotional and physical well-being. Research suggests that individuals who are authentic experience better quality relationships, carry a deeper sense of self dignity and benefit from reduced stress levels, improved mental health, and even a stronger immune system. Perhaps, as Mark Twain once said, "The truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't."

Practicing Authenticity: Unlocking Your Deeper Truths:

Living  is a transformative journey that requires self-reflection, courage, and a willingness to embrace vulnerability. Here are some practices to help you access your deeper truths and cultivate trust in them:

1. Identify Your Values:

Reflect on what truly matters to you in life. Identify your core values and align your actions with them. When you live in alignment with your values, you cultivate authenticity and a sense of purpose.

2. Self-Reflection:

Take regular moments for introspection and self-reflection. Set aside quiet time to explore your thoughts, emotions, and values. Journaling, meditation, or simply sitting in solitude can help create space for self-discovery.

3. Trigger Relaxation Responses:

Before Self-Reflection practices, engage in techniques to activate the vagus nerve and cultivate a state of calm and presence. When you are fully present, you can better observe your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without judgment. Simple breathing and humming techniques combined with heart centered practices help you connect with your authentic self and make conscious choices.

4. Trust Your Intuition:

Learn to trust your intuition, that gut feeling that guides you towards your authentic path. Pay attention to the subtle cues and sensations that arise within you. Trusting your intuition allows you to make decisions that align with your authentic self.

5. Practice Self-Compassion:

Be kind and compassionate towards yourself. Embrace self-acceptance and let go of self-judgment. Treat yourself with the same understanding and forgiveness you would offer a close friend. Self-compassion creates a safe space for authenticity to flourish.

6. Surround Yourself with Supportive People:

Seek out relationships and communities that encourage authenticity and provide a safe space for you to be yourself. Surround yourself with people who celebrate your uniqueness and support your journey of self-discovery.

7. Take Action:

Being real is not just about self-reflection; it also requires action. Identify areas in your life where you may be living incongruently with your values or true self. Take steps to align your actions with your authentic self, even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone.

Conclusion:

As we conclude our journey through the realms of self-deception, we're reminded of the intricate dance between our minds and our actions. The development of self-deception, the neuroendocrinology behind it, and the power of authenticity all shape our human experience. Let us strive to find the delicate balance between self-protection and self-awareness, embracing the truth, even when it's uncomfortable. Remember, life is too short to fool ourselves for too long, so embrace the authenticity that sets you free. The journey towards authenticity is ongoing and unique to each individual. It takes time, patience, and self-compassion. Embrace the process, trust your inner wisdom, and allow your authentic self to shine through.

Quote by Erza Scarlet: “Hurt me with the truth. But never comfort me with your lies”

Disclaimer: This blog post is for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice.